Wednesday, January 12, 2011

snow and grief


It snowed last night...
and covered its cold veil over everything...
and reminds me of how I am feeling -
as everything looks different
and the world seems hidden
and colder.
Didn't know what to expect from grief -
I wish so much to talk to my mom about how I am feeling -
sigh...
she was my 'go to' person for talks.
I think the thing that is bothering me most 
is not being able to hear her reassuring voice -
but I really am doing ok
and I am crying less than I would have expected
and life is carrying me along
and I am even smiling.
Thanks to each of you for lifting me up
with your kind words, thoughts and prayers.
I feel them and they are a part of me.
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9 comments:

  1. Liz-AnnaJanuary 12, 2011 at 7:47 AM

    I know how tough that is. I still find myself, 3 years later, wishing I could tell my mom things or show her what I'm working on. But the grief does soften.

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  2. jgrJanuary 12, 2011 at 8:07 AM

    Pamela, I'm sorry for your loss. Liz-Anna is right: the grief will soften-over time. It has been seven years and I miss my Mom every day, yet I know she's 'watching over me' and that is a comfort.

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  3. Marguerite (Tina) Smith HartJanuary 12, 2011 at 11:43 AM

    Pamela you have not been far from my thoughts these past weeks. My mom left in 1983 and there is rarely a day that passes that I do not think of her! I still do cry sometimes when a certain piece of music she loved plays or when I build a little potted selection of her favorite plants each summer to put on the deck for her to see. But now more often than not I smile because I know she is with me each day and some evenings I feel a comforting hand rest on my head and I know she is close.
    Love,
    Tina xo

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  4. GloriaJanuary 12, 2011 at 1:31 PM

    (((((Pamela)))))) hugs to you! I have been thinking about you often, and praying for you as you come to my mind. My heart goes out to you! I hope God will wrap you in his comforting & loving arms as you are grieving.

    Love,
    Gloria
    XOXO

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  5. Carrie SchmittJanuary 13, 2011 at 6:06 AM

    I'm thinking of you. I can't imagine what this must be like. I just caught up on your blog posts and your mom sounds like an amazing woman--so talented. I love that she always has a camera in her hands. And, that last poem about seeing others in the mirror. That is beautiful, true and gives me chills. Please let me know if you need anything--to meet and talk or whatever! XOXO Carrie

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  6. Tam HessJanuary 17, 2011 at 5:18 PM

    Hugs Pamela! Thinking of you! xoxo

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  7. paperbirdJanuary 18, 2011 at 12:43 PM

    i came her from misty's class.
    i am so very sorry for your loss. my mom passed away almost a year ago so i know your sadness.

    sweet blessings to you.

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  8. Linda NJanuary 19, 2011 at 4:34 PM

    That's exactly what I missed most about my mom 20 years ago - her reassuring voice. Still do at times... The grief does become a much lighter burden over the years, though.

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  9. miz katieJanuary 22, 2011 at 10:43 PM

    Pamela, I just read your comment on my blog. I'm so very sorry you are going through the same kind of loss and pain. I relate to so much you've written here. I have no idea how to deal with the grief, and wish I could talk to my Mom about it, also.

    And, the part about being able to smile..that astonished me. I never thought I'd be able to smile, but I did, and it shocked me. But, it was probably 3 to 4 weeks before I was able to laugh again. When I heard myself laugh for the first time, I thought..okay, I'm going to be okay. And, it's true. I am okay, but I will never be the same again. I'm sure you know what I mean by that.

    My heart goes out to you. If you ever want to write me privately, my email address is in the sidebar of my blog.

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